Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places
by Ryouko and Himizu
Summary: It all happened 20 years ago... Yeah right. We're not even twenty yet. But if you want to see into the future and learn what happens to three girls that delved too deep into Anime, insanity, and authoress powers... THEN READ! Oneshot. Complete.


**Disclaimer:** We do not own any part of YYH, The Military, The Red Cross, or The SWAT Team. However, we do own the House of the Nutcases, so you're welcome to sign up anytime…

**Credits: **Written and typed by Ryouko and Kitsune

**Description and Rating: **Well, this is about a little something that happened 20 years ago. It's kinda' confusing (and frightening) at the beginning, but don't let it fool you, it all smoothes out. As for rating…lots of love (nothing too sick), Mary Sue (obviously), and some violence and insanity. Put it all together, it means rated PG.

**A/N: **Just for some general information, this is the first something-like-a-fic thing we've ever tried. You gotta' admit it's pretty darn good! (Huge smiles) This is where the idea of the House of the Nutcases came to life. That story will be posted soon. Well…ENJOY!

**Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places**

"It all happened 20 years ago…"

Kitsune: HELLO ME!

Ryouko: GOODBYE YOU!

Kitsune: (Glomps Kurama) I LOVE YOU!

Kurama: -.-;;;

Ryouko: (Twitch twitch) Ok, Kitsune, you can stop now, no da. We want Kurama to enjoy coming here, not be scared of by some ugly old-looking brown-haired and eyed girl, no da. (AKA: YOU!)

Kitsune: I am not ugly! Why do you think I'm a fox? Not because I'm ugly!

Kurama: She is not ugly... (Puts hand on Kitsune's shoulder)

Kitsune: Purr.

Kurama: Only a little weird, out of whack, and EXCEEDINGLY crazy! But other than that, she makes a very good friend...

Ryouko: I should know that, I'm her best friend... only she's a nutcase along with that...

Kitsune: You are every thing that you called me. The reason why we are best friends is because we are too much alike. And another thing Kurama... NEVER BE NORMAL!

(Hiei walks in)

Ryouko: You have a point Kitsune... NEVER BE NORMAL! But then again, who is normal? Oh, hello Hiei.

Kitsune: HI HIEI! (Is about to glomp Hiei, until she remembers that he is sadistic and he is Ryouko's. So Kitsune turns around and glomps Kurama)

Kurama: (Suffocating) H-e-l-l-o H-i-e-i (Gasp)

Hiei: -.-;;;

Ryouko: Other than wanting Kurama to come back after this visit, I really do hope his next one will be when he lives and not as a Christmas ghost, no da...

Hiei: WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

Kitsune: Welcome Hiei, to the House of Nutcases, the people who are mentally insane, you are welcome to join us any time... (Stops squeezing Kurama) I love you...

Kurama: I love you too... -.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Ryouko: Yeah... right... (Turns to Hiei) I just came here to check Kitsune's progress, but what are you doing here?

Kitsune: Excuse me... but the last time I checked, I wasn't the one who WE came to check on... it was Himizu... (Says very professionally)

Hiei and Kurama: Umm... I think that one of you summoned us here, you know, using your authoress powers...

Kitsune: I plead guilty of that crime!

Ryouko: And I thought there was nobody without a life more than Kuwabara, but I was proven wrong... WE should really work hard on trying to find a life for you, dear best friend of mine... It really worked out when we searched for Himizu and found that other than what she is today, she could also be an emotionless, sadistic dictionary, and I discovered it all by myself. (Nods proudly) But I do think she can be both at the same time when she puts her heart, soul and author power into it... This should be investigated further... (Goes into deep thought while Hiei and Kurama stare at her questionably and Kitsune laughs her head off)

Kitsune: LOL yeah, but other than that, don't forget that you would have done the same, hence, making you a mental nut case like the rest of us authors (Nods head proudly, with a tear or two in her eyes)

Hiei: Umm, sure, whatever, I just want to get out of this $$

Kurama: Now, now Hiei, Kitsune needs me, so I can't leave.

Ryouko: GEEZE, YOU PLAYER, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Kurama: -.- I broke up with her about a month ago...

Kitsune: (Has starry eyes) I love you too Kurama.

Kurama: (Hides behind Hiei) Don't go getting any ideas, Kitsune...

Ryouko: (Looks at Kurama) Two suggestions: 1. If you want to hide behind somebody, may I suggest someone that is more than 5 foot+hair and 2. You should have told her not to get any ideas BEFORE she got them.

Kurama: (Stands up from behind Hiei) Ahem... yes, well…

(Gets cut off by Kitsune's spontaneous burst into the Fushigi Yugi opening theme)

Kitsune: Egao miste, hikari dasu mohitisu ne sekai...

Ryouko: (Hums to herself and glares the famous "please shut-up" face at Kitsune)

Hiei: AAAAHHHHH, THIS IS TRULY A HOUSE FOR NUTCASES... WE SHOULD GET KUWABARA HERE ON THE DOUBLE, SO HE CAN MEET FRIENDS WITH THE SAME MENTAL ISSUES THAT HE HAS!

Kuwabara: (Raising fist angrily) I HEARD THAT!

(Everyone turns in shocked expressions to Kuwabara)

Ryouko: Kuwabara... what are you doing here? I didn't use my author powers, but... (All eyes turn to Kitsune) did you?

Kitsune: (Turns head innocently) Huh? AHHH IT'S KUWABARA! (O.O) (Stumbles back on top of Kurama) Ahh, sorry...didn't mean to do that (Cough cough)

Kurama: That's all right...

(Kuwabara is sent back to whatever place he came from by Ryouko)

Ryouko: And if I'm supposed to be in love with Hiei, I wouldn't survive to

do all the torture you inflict Kurama, no da...

Hiei: You are soooooo right.

Kitsune: (Uses powers to make Hiei kiss Ryouko on the cheek) awwww, isn't that sweet! (Uses powers to disable Hiei's attacks on her) I am invincible!

Ryouko: (Knocks out Kitsune REALLY badly and she starts beating her up while Kurama tries helplessly to stop her) HA, YOU'RE INVINCIBLE AND I'M KUWABARA'S GIRLFRIEND! YOU'RE ONLY A PUSHOVER KITSUNE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kitsune: Ouch! Stop that! You know that you enjoyed that kiss HIEI LOVER! YOU KNOW YOU DID! DON'T TRY TO HIDE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS FOR HIM! YOU LOVE HIM I TELL YOU, YOU LOVE HIM! YOUR COMPUTER IS FILLED WITH HIS IMAGES AND DON'T SAY THAT YOU DON'T DREAM ABOUT HIM AT NIGHT!

Ryouko: (Starts beating up Kitsune much more than before while Hiei watches in amusement and Kurama in horror) OH YEAH! WELL, SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, BUT I HAVE ABOUT 5 TIMES MORE PHOTOS OF KURAMA THAN YOU DO! AND EVERY TRUE YYH FAN HAS PICS OF EVERYBODY (Maybe not the bad guys, but that's not the point) AND FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION, I DIDN'T ENJOY NEITHER THE KISS NOR DO I LOVE HIEI! (Stops hitting Kitsune) BUT THIS REALLY MADE MY DAY!

Kitsune: (Gets off of the ground, totally unharmed and starts singing A Thousand Miles) Making my way down town… Through the crowd... and I still need you, and I still miss you, and now I wonder, if I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass us by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you, if I could just hold you, tonight...HUH? What where you saying Ryouko? Oh, yes... YOU KNOW THAT KURAMA IS MINE AND THAT I LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU SO JUST BUG OFF! And lets just end it right there.

Ryouko: Oh, ok... Hey, we completely forgot Hiei and Kurama are still here (Turns to Hiei and Kurama and looks at their expressions) I know, I know, Kitsune and me show much affection towards each other.

Kitsune: YUP! We are like, totally soul sisters little dudes (Bobs head up and down)

Kurama: Yeah, sure, we totally understand... -.- And Ryouko... stop picking on Kitsune

Ryouko: -.-;;;;; My, you must really love the girl if you can actually say that after all the things she did to you...

Kurama: Well...

Hiei: I feel... so... unloved (Goes into a corner of a room and starts crying) T.T

Kitsune: Awwww, poor Hiei (Goes to corner and comforts Hiei)

Kurama and Ryouko: (Sweatdrop and face fault) HIEI CRYING? IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Ryouko: (Sighs) Gee, Hiei, we were only talking to each other. It's very hard not to love you... Plus, think of your dear Miroku and how she brought you back to life (Which is taped and downloaded, by the way), so... just don't cry, DEMONS DON'T LOOK GOOD CRYIING!

Hiei: AHHHHH! DON'T YOU EVER MENTION THAT EVIL, VILE, DISGUSTING. DEMENTED, DEFORMED WOMAN! I HATE HER WITH ALL OF MY MIND, SOUL, HEART (Not that I have much of one...) AND ETC.! I WOULD RATHER GO OUT WITH KITSUNE THAN WITH HER!

Kitsune: Hiei I would love to go out with you!

Kurama: O.O

Kitsune: Errr...but I'm already going out with Shuuichi... so, maybe not, or, what kind of presents do you give out on Valentines Day? If you give me the biggest, cutest one (AKA: a teddy bear that holds a heart saying "I LOVE YOU"), I'll go out with you!

Hiei: -.-() Uhh, I'm not that rich... but if you say so...

Kurama: (Takes out rose whip) Back off midget.

Hiei: (Sulks off to corner)

Ryouko: No comment... CAN'T YOU DIMWITS FIND SOMEONE HOT AND CUTE TO FIGHT FOR! YOU HAVE THE LOOKS YOU KNOW, USE THEM! DON'T GO LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES! (Kitsune starts singing the song in the background) START LOOKING AT PEOPLE LIKE YUKINA OR YOUNG GENKAI! OR, LIKE ALMOST ANYBODY ELSE! Well, I had my say... if you're smarter than you looked when you were fighting for Kitsune, you might make something out of yourselves... (Sits down on a chair and sighs deeply to herself)

Kurama and Hiei: (Are playing tug of war with Kitsune acting as the rope, not paying any attention to what Ryouko just said)

Kitsune: (Still singing with a smile on her face) Looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love...

Kurama: SHE'S MINE

Hiei: NO, SHE'S MINE

Kurama: NO, SHE'S MINE, HANDS OFF OF HER YOU FILTHY SHRIMP!

Kitsune: (Feeling no pain with Kurama and Hiei yanking her in every direction) Hey, you guys, can you stop, I can draw your names out of a hat, and we can see who I can go out with...

Kurama and Hiei: NO! YOU NEED TO CHOOSE RIGHT NOW!

Ryouko: (Talking on the phone of the room with the police and the nurse downstairs) Hello, officer? Yes, this is Ryouko, visiting the patient from room #123. I just wanted to inform you that you will probably need to send the Navy, U.S Air Force, National Guard, SWAT Team, etc. We have two crazy youkais fighting over the patient in this room, both very strong but sort of possessed right now by a EXTREMELY evil author who calls herself Ryouko to fight over the girl with the Reikai Tentai all watching from Koenma's realm... yes, yes sir, this was all planned before, but none of the three know that... but may I add, my dear nurse, that you will probably need two more rooms by the end of tonight, and may I suggest you wear armor every time you enter to check on the guy patients because it might get a little rough... so… (Starts speaking to the officer again) When will they arrive?

Officer: Well, it might take a while, Ryouko. Can't you try to get control?

Ryouko: Well... I can try...but I'm pretty positive I won't be able to...They are possessed by the author's Love Power, and that's hard to control... But I need the time of their arrival.

Officer: I know the situation is bad. Just stay put and whatever you do, DON'T FALL PREY TO THIS MADNESS!

Kurama: I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO!

Hiei: NO, I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO!

Kurama and Hiei: (Both pull Kitsune's arm)

Kitsune: (Starting to feel the pain) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP IT, OR ELSE I'LL BE TORN IN HALF! I CHOOSE HIEI, NO WAIT, KURAMA, NO HIEI! OH, I DON'T KNOW... I CHOOSE JIN!

(Jin walks in)

Jin: Hello

Kitsune: (Rips out of Kurama and Hiei's grip and wraps her arm around Jin) Ok, Jin and me will be out the rest of the night. Good-bye boys

Kurama and Hiei: (Look shocked that neither of them won and glare at Jin as Kitsune and Jin walk out the door, laughing)

Jin: (After they're out of the room) Well Kitsune, I didn't want to break your heart inside, but... I actually came to see Ryouko, so if you don't mind... (Turns back to the door and leaves Kitsune alone and heartbroken)

(Jin walks into the room without Kitsune)

Kurama and Hiei: WHERE IS KITSUNE!

Jin: (BIG sweatdrop) Uumm... she's outside. And, by the way, she's all yours! SO ENJOY!

(Kurama and Hiei dash out of the room and behind the closed door you could hear the shouts of "NO, SHE'S MINE")

Jin: Hello Ryouko.

Ryouko: Oh, hi Jin. How did it go, did she cry?

Jin: (Smiles happily) No, but I seem to hurt her pretty bad. You sure you don't mind me hurting her?

Ryouko: (Grins back happily) It does, but I know it's for her own good. If she continues to fall for every bishi that walks down the street, she might really lose control for one of the bad guys or worse… KUWABARA! (Dramatic music plays in the back ground while Ryouko and Jin dread the thought)

Jin: All right, so what do you do from here?

Ryouko: Well… after one of the poor guys buys her the stupid teddy bear and the spell wears off, both of them are probably going to come after me and try their best to cut, chop, slash, and rip me into tiny little pieces and stick my body parts in the walls and place my head in their house or apartment or carry it around or whatnot. I feel so safe with my author power! (Sighs with relief) Too bad I couldn't reach Touya…

Jin: Yes, that is very sad, (Sighs) but he deserved a break, so he went to visit family members in Koorime. Lucky him… I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER!

Ryouko: Did you see Finding Nemo before you came?

Jin: (totally shocked and amazed Yes… How did you figure it out?

Ryouko: Ummm…just the first thing that entered my mind…-.-;;;;

Jin: Oh, well…

(His thoughts were inturruped when a nurse carrying what looked like a new patient into the room, but it was really…)

Ryouko and Jin: (Shocked beyond words) HIMIZU!

Himizu: Thank God I finally found you! Listen, these freaking retarded moronic people think I am a mental case… I'M NOT MENTAL! AND FOR HEVEAN'S SAKE, I'M NOT A FREAKING EMOTIONLESS SADISTIC DICTIONARY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHO EVEN CAME UP WITH A STUPID, DEMENTED IDEA LIKE THAT!

Jin: -.-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Ryouko: (HUGE sweat drops) Ummm… I haven't the faintest clue who could have come up with such a thing… I wonder…

Himizu: Oh well, that's too bad, but luckily for me, I already have a pretty good idea… (Glares menacingly at Ryouko, which makes even her turn away in horror) but I don't really care right now... Jin, what were you starting to say when I came in?

Jin: (Relieved from his shock by now) Well, I was just thinking what Hiei and Kurama would to Ryouko when the spell wears off. Or worse… what they are doing now…

* * *

Kitsune: (She's walking down the street, each guy has their arm wrapped around her) So…. Whoever gets me the cutest teddy bear that says "I LOVE YOU" will win!

Kurama and Hiei: (Glare at each other as if they were going to kill each other at any given moment)

Kitsune: Ok, well go and get me my teddy bear.

(Kurama and Hiei start racing to the nearest store and 10 minutes later, they each bring out a teddy bear.)

Kitsune: WHAT? You guys bought the same bears! T.T Well…. I guess I'll choose both of you! Love cannot choose one person. Wait, I choose (Slips on a rock) ACK! HIEI! (Grabs Kurama's pants, missing Hiei, and pulls down Kurama's pants, revealing heart shaped boxers)

Hiei: YES! (Fist punches up in the air and he then catches Kitsune before she hits the ground)

Kurama: (Glares at Hiei and pulls up his pants)

(Spell wears off)

Hiei: (Drops Kitsune on the ground and stands up quickly) Did the darn spell finally wear off? If I had to be under her freaking spell for one more minute I would have died!

Kurama: Yes, I understand how you feel. Geezes, just because we didn't want to buy those ridiculous teddy bears for Kitsune doesn't mean Ryouko had to force us to do it with her spells.

Kitsune: (Starts crying uncontrollably and runs off down the street) I HATE YOU ALL! T.T

Hiei and Kurama: (Paying no attention whatsoever to Kitsune) LETS GET HER!

* * *

(Meanwhile, Ryouko, Jin and Himizu were drinking tea and eating cookies and chocolate while hearing Himizu's wild yet highly interesting story of how she ended up in the House of the Nutcases.)

Himizu: And when I told them how hurt I was that they called me a mental nutcase and an emotionless, sadistic dictionary, they finally let me come into this room to see you guys, but I was expecting more people to be here…

Ryouko: Oh well, you know how it is. People come, people go…

(At this moment Hiei and Kurama enter the room with the scariest I'm-so-pissed-so-you-better-run-before-I-kill-you-all horrifying looks on their faces.)

Hiei and Kurama: RYOUKO! WE HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE! HOW DARE YOU PUT US UNDER THAT PATHETIC SPELL AND MADE US BUY THOSE RIDICULOUS TEDDY BEARS! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!

Hiei: (Glares menacingly at Ryouko) YOU EVEN MADE ME CRY! HAVE YOU NO HEART! DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD DO TO MY GREATLY BUILT SADISTIC REPUTATION AMONGST THE YOUKAIS OF MAKAI!

Himizu: Hiei CRIED! And I wasn't here to see it? DAMN YOU ALL! (Scowls angrily) I hope you taped it…

Kurama: (Also glares at Ryouko) HIEI'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EMBARASING IT IS TO SHOUT "NO, SHE'S MINE" DOWN THE STREET!

Ryouko: (Has not paid any attention to what either Hiei or Kurama until now. But now stares happily at both of them) Did you really do all that because you knew how much Kitsune and I needed your assistance? That is so sweet of you! (Kisses both of the surprised youkais on the cheeks, which makes them blush)

Kitsune: (Bursts through the doors) RYOUKO, KURAMA, HIEI, AND EVERYBODY ELSE THAT'S IN THIS FREAKING ROOM…. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? (Gets all emotional and punches Hiei in the face, scratches Kurama's face, and kicks Ryouko's face.) I-H-A-T-E-Y-O-U (Goes off into a corner and starts crying.)

Ryouko: (Gets up unharmed and goes over to Kitsune trying to comfort her) Please Kitsune, try to calm down. We all like you, VERY, VERY much! We just didn't want you to end up in here like Himizu…

Himizu: (Raises her fist threateningly) Hey! I can hear you, you know!

Ryouko: (Stares back) Yes, I know that perfectly well! Well anyway, (Turns back to Kitsune) now do you understand why we made you go through such terrible troubles? What am I saying! I also went through a ton of trouble trying to find that spell to make both of those youkais helplessly in love with you. And I also knew what the consequences would probably be…(Turns towards Hiei and Kurama, who are angrily yet patiently waiting for their turn to talk)

Hiei: Thank you for finally noticing we're here. Well… Kurama and I do owe you a pretty sensible beating, but I'm sure that can wait until we help Kitsune and Himizu out of the freaking madhouse. After all, we did break her heart and made a complete idiot of her on the street while buying those teddy bears, and we also…

Ryouko: HIEI, CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT IT! WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER, NOT REMIND HER HOW AWFULLY EMBARRASING IT WAS! FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE HIEI, DON'T MAKE ME MAKE YOU CRY AGAIN!

Hiei: (Hides behind Kurama and sticks out his tongue) FINE! JUST DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT MAKE ME CRY AGAIN OR ELSE YOU'LL GET IT!

Ryouko: (Sticks out her tongue too) WELL THEN, YOU SHOULD JUST SHU…

(Before Ryouko could finish the sentence, the U.S Army, Navy, SWAT team, etc. came and started shooting beanbags at the baffled Kurama and Hiei. They then tied them with ropes and a nurse in armor came in with two keys.)

Nurse: Well, Miss Ryouko, the rooms are all finished and I'm taking your advice and wearing armor. Gentlemen, right this way please (Nods towards the hallway).

(It only took a second for everyone to understand what was going on. Instinctively, they all shouted the same word.)

Everyone: RRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKOOOOOOO!

* * *

"And that was how it happened," explained a patient at the House of the Nutcases. "It was a terrible, terrible time, when I was only a girl. SEE WHAT HAVING FRIENDS SUCH AS THESE CAN DO TO YOU!" The patient was none other than…Himizu!

"Only Kitsune had the guts to keep up with me here, because we were both tormented by the same evil girl. The minute I find her, she'll be sorry she didn't get Hiei and Kurama's beatings. You mark my words! I'll give her a beating five hundred billion times worse, do you hear me? FIVE HUNDRED BILLION!"

"Now, now, you are angry, but you must try to calm your nerves and relax the anger inside of you. Now, with me, we shall practice an exercise that makes one relax very well. Take a deep breath. In through the nose, and out through the teeth." Himizu gasped in horror.

"It's you! Noooooooo!" She looked in horror as the face of her old pal. Ryouko gazed at her.

"Hiya, Himizu. Long time no see. You really should see _Anger Management, _you know that? By the way…where's Kitsune?" Immediately the door opened and in stepped Kitsune, whose expression rapidly changed from calm to surprised, from surprised to angry, and from angry to panic. Before Ryouko even managed to say hi, Himizu and Kitsune dashed out of the room, yelling "WHY US!" at the top of their lungs, and locking themselves in their rooms.

"Sheesh, and I thought I had problems. Those two can probably outrace the cars in _2 Fast, 2 Furious. _And if I don't scram, they probably will be two, too-furious people that I don't want to deal with. Hm, I wonder if there's a good restaurant around here…" Ryouko muttered

And with that, Ryouko muttered all the way outside, with Himizu and Kitsune hiding under the beds of their rooms until they were told the danger had past.

* * *

**Author's note: **Well, there is no real dramatic beginning to this fanfic. It just so happened that Kitsune came over to my house, and I was going to send Himizu some pics, when we started writing this in an e-mail and decided that it should become a fic. It wasn't even planned. That should explain why Himizu isn't talking too much in the beginning. And I get to be the meanie. What fun! I have no problem with being the villain, I get to do all the evil things I want to do to my friends in writing, and then get to post it on a website. I'm sure that not even half of the Ohio population would be interested in "_two girls go to psycho jail because of best friend_". Yep, it a heck of a lot better this way. But even I have a good side, so please don't hate me too much, k?**Ryouko **

**Author's Note 2:** Yeah, she's a psycho, but I got my revenge when I wrote a fic about her and Hiei. Mwa ha ha! Still, out of kindness, I have destroyed it, or so she thinks, mwa ha ha! Really, she covered most everything there was to say. I had no part in writing this except to correct the grammar and spelling errors, which for those of you who know what I write, this should make a lot of sense cuz I don't write stuff like this, I'm more the total-humor, screw the romance type of fic writer. But yeah. I claim no credit for this, do you understand me! NONE! Thank you. **Himizu**


End file.
